GTA 5

Hey bloggers! Its already dark here and i think i got some thoughts piled up on my mind. Today is the second day of fasting and i was breaking fasting at WS Rawamangun cause i had to pick my sister up after her course end. That was such an often moment because i was on the table just with her. Like a romantic movie. Yuwh. Sometimes i always wondered if one day we both can be a sweet sisters. Because hey do you know how much i love her? Its equal to how much i hate her hahaha. Im so proud of her because she got 2nd ranking on her class. And she was chosen as speaker when her course "Access" held a graduation party. I dont know when will i be sitting on the same position with her in front of my mom. Sometimes when i was showering, i cried like a baby. Thinking what have i done to my self. Where's my responsibility to my mom? My dad? :(

I even can't get good IP at my college, my mom always yelled at me, mad at me. But i know that it was for my own success. She, one day, ever crying told me that she missed the old me. I dont understand what was she talking about, i was angry at my mom thinking that she always comparing me. Among my cousin, i was the only child that always makes a trouble. I know and i always will know. But hey mom, i am trying okay? :') i barely can get authority as an older sister from my sister. I also want to give a good influence to my sister. I also want to make you proud mom. Still remember in my mind, it was about 6 years ago when i was at 8 grade, you walked out of my class after took my rapor and smile "mama bangga sama kamu, pertahankan ya nak". That was because i got 1st ranking and  chosen to get into exclusive class. After that, that smile was hiding from your lips mom... i really missed that smile:')

Mom do you know how much i want to bring back those smile? But everytime i made a try, everytime i felt pains too. I dont know and i will never know what God wants till made me being an Informatics Engineering students. When i was at junior high school, made a friendster and searched for a background i always copy-paste a one-pack-of-a-crowded-codes of CSS and i never imagined that one day i'd arrange those codes. Can you imagine what was really my aim for? Doctor. Do you know what subject i was good at? Math, english, chemistry. Do you believe what is my friend saying im good at? Drawing and cooking. And do you want to know what things i'm really interested in? Writing, drawing, listening to music. Lately, i was asking for a good reason to my mom why she persuaded me to take Informatics Engineering and she told that i was thousand times done some IQ test , that test was about kids ability or something and it was written at the result that i should've took an engineering major, or MIPA in college. Yes, i exactly still remember it too. But why should engineering? I dont even get interested when my lecture taught me. And yeah this one was interesting, when i was at elementary school, my IQ was 125. At my junior high school, 127. And last time i did an IQ test that was at senior high school, and can you believe at the result i got? 119. Can someone explain it to me? 

I was very stupid when i was at my "MASA-MASA SMA". I tried anything new in my life. Everything that i couldn't get when my dad still here. Yes, when my dad had passed away i was changed 180 degrees. I became a brand new bad Liliany. I was drowning in the sea of despair. I thought i should catch my dad up soon at that time. When you were not here, dad, i felt like i lost my half wings. My dad was an overprotective dad, i couldn't do anything bad. Prevented anything that could make me being plunged into misery. But i could get anything i want when my dad here. Anything as much as i asked for. Gadgets, money,  life, anything. I always studied at night because my dad could stop my facilities if i get bad scores. Thats why I always recorded a good academics history in my life at that time. But i always felt that something missing in my life, my life was too perfect. So when my dad not here, i started to do anything. But now alhamdullilah i already quit that. Sorry but that was my bad :'( 

Just because one thing, my life changed. I became a new Liliany Octoria. Liliany who was in exclusive class but got the last ranking. Liliany who always came late. Didn't have manners. I hate that Liliany. But my mom, indeed a hero, she made every efforts to bring back the old Liliany :')

I love you mom, and you know? I also miss that Liliany. I am trying mom. Can you just believe in me that i want to make a revolution in my life too? I also thank to You, Allah SWT. You are really merciful, you gives me good friends in college who taught me "a good life". Dhani also a good lesson for me. Everything that ever happened in my life taught many things to me, thank Allah, You believed in me that i could survive. Anything. You gave me a chance to be "black" then now i want to wash up and be better ahead. That was such a priceless experiences that no one can give to me.

Now i want to reach GTA 5. Get the award like a five stars kid.